its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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