I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
