69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
