This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
