so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
