and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
