What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
