That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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