i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
