Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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