Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize