you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
