Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
