Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
