Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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