Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
