i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
