I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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