Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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