Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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