By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
