the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
