I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Having a random hookup so left but love u
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
