I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
