Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
