You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
