Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
