john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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