Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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