i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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