I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
