We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
