I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dignity is for republicans.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
