Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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