I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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