She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I did not marry a roomba.
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