you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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