Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize