My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
