Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we made out on top of his cat.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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