well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
