told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
