If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
