I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
