i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
