Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my shit smells like andre
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
