Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
