entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
