i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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