I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
