I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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