I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
