he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
