You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
