Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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