Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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