I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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