Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
