upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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