dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
