It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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