dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
