Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
