I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
