idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
