i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
