The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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