Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
