Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
