I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
