Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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