Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Your cock deserves a montage
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
