"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
